Blurs
by MissMuffin42
Summary: Shortly after leaving BH, Claudine is involved in a car accident. When she wakes up, she's had amnesia, it's 2 years later, she's a singing sensation and her life is perfect! But Claudine still lives in the past.
1. Falling

_**Hi!**_

_**Ok so I finished my other Britannia High fanfic, Starlight a bit ago and I've been planning on doing another for a really long time, but I was going to finish my Hustle one. But seeing as nobody seems to be reading my Hustle one I've decided to concentrate on this instead, even though I'll probably update it less seeing as I'll still be writing Breathe For Me and I don't want it to die. =[**_

_**So yeah, I've had my little twitter now and I hope you enjoy this. **_****

"Ow!"

I stumbled round the street corner, laughing as I tugged my heel out of the grid hole in the pavement. I grabbed onto Lauren for support.

"We need a taxi," she groaned.

I released her arm, still wobbling slightly. The streets of London were almost empty, the buses had stopped and we had about as much chance of finding a cab, or any form of lift home actually, as finding a four leaf clover growing in the concrete.

I wanted to treasure this moment forever. Tonight had been perfect. The end of year show went amazingly well. I didn't get Danny. But then again, I didn't really want him that much. I'd never really loved him. I suppose I'd wanted him so badly because he was just another one of those many, many things Lauren had and I didn't.

But now, I had the one thing I needed and didn't know I wanted until a few hours ago. Peace. Peace with Lauren, with Danny. Everything was at peace.

I wanted to remember this feeling of pure happiness. I knew in the morning I wouldn't remember any of it, I was so drunk. We all were, after the after-show party, everyone just drank and danced like never before, with the exception of Lola who had a flight to catch.

Lauren and I had finally decided to go back to Mrs Troy's, BB and Ronnie's flats were the opposite direction to Britannia High and Danny had disappeared about an hour ago with some girl he'd met about an hour before that.

It didn't matter. Neither of us really cared about Danny now.

We stumbled round the streets, laughing, not really sure where we were going. We were supposed to be finding a cab, but I couldn't remember what time we'd called for one. It didn't really matter, though, the walk home wasn't long.

Suddenly, I took a step backwards and tripped over.

"Claudine!"

I was falling, tumbling down, cold, wet stone on my back.

_Stupid, stupid heels._

Everything around me seemed to melt into blackness.

Until I couldn't see at all.


	2. White

When I woke up, the first thing I remember is pain. Hard, cold pain, channelling through my whole body. Pain like I'd never felt before, pain like nails had been jammed through both sides of my skin.

I opened my eyes.

All I could see was bright, shiny, white lights. Oh crap, I wasn't going to wake up in some random bathroom with chains round my feet, was I? I tried to lift my legs, but they refused to move, all I could do was wiggle my fingers a little. I tried to speak, to scream but no sound came out.

The lights around me began to turn into shapes. I found I was staring at a ceiling – a blurry, white ceiling. I managed to turn my head, ignoring the pain, sideways. I blinked, slightly, making out the blurs of two figures next to me.

"Miss Cameron? Miss Cameron, are you awake?"

My eyes started to adjust. I made out two women stood next to me, one fairly tall with shoulder length, straight, auburn hair, the other woman was smaller, and younger, her hair ash blonde.

I could see almost completely clearly now. I decided to chance speaking.

"Where… where am I?"

My voice came out wispy and quiet, almost inaudible.

The woman with the reddish hair spoke. "Claudine, you're in hospital, there was a car accident."

A _car _accident? I thought back. Then I remembered last night, and the end of year show and Lauren and those stupid heels. And I remembered falling. And black, and nothingness …

"I'm Angela, I'm a nurse here. This is Diana," she indicated "and Gareth, he's a doctor here."

There was a youngish man I hadn't notice at the opposite side of the room, I would have said about nineteen. His hair was brown and floppy and he had on a pair of glasses. Under different circumstances, I probably would have tried to flirt with him.

But under different circumstances.

"How did I …? Is Lauren okay?"

I suddenly remembered Lauren, I hadn't thought of the idea that she might have been hurt too, last night, and I was suddenly worried. _Lauren_.

I looked around at the three hospital staff. They were all silent, exchanging looks.

"What happened to her? _Where _is she?" "Sorry, nobody called Lauren's been in touch…"

"Oh, right." I said.

I was relieved that she was ok, though a little worried she hadn't tried to come and see me, or any of my other friends. Had everyone _forgotten _about me?

I sat up slightly, and then relaxed when I saw the flowers at the end of my bed. But seriously, I hadn't been expecting this, a virtual jungle of bunches of flowers, there must have been thirty, bride shades of yellow and purple and pink, all weaving into one rainbow. I breathed in, the scent was shocking.

I noticed there was a tube going into my left arm. I didn't like it, it made me feel like it was the tube looking after me and not _me_. I didn't want some tube in my arm.

"Would you like some water, Miss Cameron?" Diana, the younger nurse, asked.

"Yes, please," I replied. "Mineral water. Sparkling. With ice."

She nodded slowly, the trace of a smile on her lips for some reason. Ok, so I was being a little picky. Doesn't mean she has to smirk at me like that!

"So, do you remember exactly what happened?" Andrea, no, Angela, asked.

"I…" I thought about it. "I was with Lauren, and we were walking back from school," I remembered. "From the end of year show. And we were really drunk, and then… I fell."

I looked up. Gareth, the doctor guy, was stood next to her. They both looked confused.

"Claudine…"

I think he saw the look the nurse gave him.

"Miss Cameron," he corrected. "Can you tell me the date?"

"It's…" I racked my brain. We'd broken up from school yesterday. "It's July 20th!" I said, triumphant. "2008," I added.

They were looking at each other.

"What?"

Nobody spoke, they were still exchanging that same glance, looking alternatively from each other to me.

"Will somebody tell me what's going on?!" I raised my voice. I sort of wanted to get up, you know, to show anger and stuff but I wasn't exactly in a state to do so.

"Claudine, today is April 15th 2010."

_What?_

No. No, this was some kind of joke. It was not April 15th 2010. That was just not real.

I didn't say anything for a very, very long time. I wanted to yell at them that they were joking but I'd pieced together too many bits of information to realise it was probably true.

That was weird. What happened, how had I just _lost _two years of my life?

"Miss Cameron?"

"Could I… have a newspaper, please?" I said.

I wanted _proof_.

"Sure. Gareth?"

I had the feeling that this woman was in charge.

We sat in silence for a while, just waiting. I lifted my free arm to push up the pillows, so I didn't have to lean against the wall.

"Let me do that," Angela said. I returned her smile and let her.

Once she'd done it, I leant back against the pillows.

The door opened, and at the same time, Diana and Gareth came in. I took the water from her, taking a long sip gratefully. It didn't do much for my headache, but it helped. As I turned my head up, I saw they were all gathered around one thing in the corner. They split from their circle, all turning to face me.

"Ok, Miss Cameron, here's the paper from today and a copy of last weeks _Hello! _ We also have something else. This might be a bit of a shock for you."

I let her hand me the magazine, confused. And then I gasped.

It looked about the same as it had, the normal setting of a cover, bubbles of writing everywhere and the date, April 10th 2010, written across the top.

One, huge picture filled the centre of the cover. I stared at the girl that filled it. She was beautiful, her eyes were big and brown and lined with glitter, and the shimmer of her lips was brought out by the glossiness of the magazine cover anyway. Her black hair fell in straight ripples, a little past her shoulders.

She was gorgeous. I didn't need to read the magazine, only see the cover, to know that she was a star.

She was _me_.


	3. Pieces

In that bag there were also three CDs, a selection of magazines, April 15th's _Daily Mail_ and two concert tickets.

The three CDs were all mine. Two albums and a single, which I'd made in the last year and a half. I listened to them, and I had to admit, they were fabulous. I'd been on a world tour.

Two days ago, I'd been involved in a car accident when I was driving from the recording studio to my apartment in London. Gareth, my doctor, explained to me that I had partial amnesia. In 2008, I'd fallen down some stairs when I was with Lauren but nothing bad had happened. It was just that the only memories I had were before that time.

They gave me my handbag, as well.

I had a new phone since I last remembered which I couldn't work, and lots of new make up. Seriously, there was _loads _of it, expensive to by the looks of things. I searched my purse and found more money than I'd ever seen in my life, and several credit cards. There was also a small diary, which I went through. Every day was taken up; I couldn't make much sense of the abbreviations written in what I recognised as my writing, which had barely changed. I seemed to have random people's names scrawled across every day, though I hardly say the name of anyone I recognised, except for 'Ronnie, 16:50' on one Wednesday. It surprised me that I seemed to have lost touch with everyone _but _Ronnie, we'd never been particularly close back at Britannia High, and I'd only really talked to her because everyone else did.

The names that came up were most were Adam, Paisley and Yvonne, who I didn't have any idea who they were. I found them all in my address book, I had all their numbers. I wasn't allowed to ring anyone in the hospital. I wasn't sure I could have got the courage to call any of these people anyway, not yet.

I wasn't allowed out of the hospital yet, and I wasn't allowed visitors until a few days. All I did to pass the time was talk to doctors and nurses and learn about my life, the two years I'd lost. By the end of my first week there, I could sing along with most of the songs on my album.

It was really, really weird. It felt like I'd just been moved from my old life to the life of this new, perfect, amazing person. I looked different; I'd grown my hair and lost weight. My skin seemed more flawless, my lips fuller, my eyes larger. I was beautiful. There was something about me in every magazine, all the doctors and nurses knew who I was, and not just because I was a patient. Because it was me they heard on the radio on the way to work, and me that was wearing the stuff they'd bought from fashion magazines and me that their daughters begged them for tickets to go see.

Gareth and the two other nurses almost became my friends, especially him. They were sort of all I had now, the only people I knew that I remembered, or the only people I remembered that I still knew. I told them stuff about when I was at Britannia High, and they told me about themselves too, but only ever if I asked.

Angela lived a little outside of London, she had twin girls but her husband had left three months ago, and she was staying with a friend. Angela was just the sort of woman I would have liked _my _mother to be, she was caring and I could sort of tell that wasn't just because she was paid to be. Diana, the other nurse, a trainee I found out, was quieter; she barely spoke to me if Angela wasn't there. I didn't think it was because she was mean, possibly just shy.

I sort of developed a little crush on the doctor, Gareth. Unlike Angela and Diana, he acted normal around me, not like I was someone he worked for. He was renting a flat a few streets away, he told me. There were no signs of a wife or girlfriend, though I didn't want to ask. He seemed to work late a lot, he always came into my room before he left and I went to sleep, I never really got tired but I slept to kill time.

I wasn't going to _do_ anything about my feelings for Gareth. After all, there was probably some kind of rule against that. And I didn't want him to lose his job, he was really lovely. And he was a great doctor, the best I'd ever had.

He was the only one in the whole place who called me by my first name.


	4. London

I was going to go home on April 20th. April 20th 2010.

I'd been given my address on a slip of paper and my cab was going to come in a few minutes. I had to go back to the hospital in a few days for a 'check up' and I still had a curve shaped scar across my cheek.

The hospital psychologist said that might start remembering things any time soon. It would be a long time before my memory would be fully restored and there wasn't a one hundred percent chance that it would happen, but I might start getting just little flashbacks in the next few weeks.

Leaving hospital was really, _really _scary. I hadn't been through the big glass doors at the end of the corridor that my room was on since I came here. But now here I was, sat on the huge leather sofa with my handbag, practically shaking with fear.

For a long time I'd wished for this, to be let out into the outside world, though I hadn't really thought of the idea that _this _world, 2010, would be a different one to the one I remembered. Maybe they'd found a cure for cancer! Or everybody went round in planes and wore white all the time.

I suppressed a hysterical giggle, suddenly realising how much like Lola my thoughts sounded right now.

I stopped, my mental smile fading. There was no Lola in the 2010 world. Well there was, but not in my 2010 world. No Lola, or Lauren, Danny, Jez or BB. No friends.

This was crazy. Of course I had friends. I was famous now. I probably hung out with loads of other famous people. Maybe I knew Brad Pitt…

I heard a loud horn sound come from outside. I looked through the window, and saw the black car. I walked out of the front doors of the hospital, slowly, taking in everything around me.

It was typical London. The city was alive and bustling with people, carrying shopping bags and handbags and walking sticks and pushchairs. I looked across the huge street, reading the signs of the many shops scattered down it. Some of the names I recognised, some I didn't, new ones I remembered. I glanced at the outfits and items in the windows, thinking about how much fashion seemed to have changed since 2008. I sort of wanted to go shopping, now.

I remembered the cab, and swung open the door of the back seat, pulling down a huge pair of Prada sunglasses I'd found in my handbag. I had lots of pairs of sunglasses there, I guess to hide my identity when I was in public.

Being suddenly famous was really, really weird.

"Yes, Miss?" the cab driver said.

I read out the address from the little slip of paper, my address. I was looking forward to seeing where I lived. The doctors at the hospital had said I might recover some memory if I was in familiar surroundings.

As we drove, I looked out of the window at London.

I wasn't sure what sort of change I'd been expecting, but there wasn't much of it. London looked almost the same as the London I remembered. It was full of people, but the people were just the same as in 2008, although I noticed that almost nobody was wearing jeans. It was all the buildings were pretty much the same, except for a few huge signs of names of shops and offices I didn't recognise.

I started wondering if 2010 would have actually changed that much. I thought about the difference between 2008 and 2006. Not _that _much had changed, really.

But it had.

The taxi driver cleared his throat, and I snapped back into action.

"We're here," he said.

I paid the driver and got out of the cab slowly.

I had no idea in the world where I was. A tall, white building stood ahead of me. The piece of paper in my hand told me this was where I lived.

Familiar surroundings? Uh, no.

I walked cautiously into the huge lobby. The floor was white and marble, my shoes clip-clopped against me as I wandered around the room. Modern paintings lined the walls. I started looking for some stairs. I followed a sign indicating 'Elevator'. Next to it was 'Cinema' and 'Gymnasium'.

Wow.

I found the button and called the elevator, tapping my fingers against the panel while I waited. The doors slid open, with a tuneful 'bleep', and I stepped in.

Even the lift was beautiful. Like the lobby, it was all white marble. The walls were covered with a huge mirror which I checked my reflection in. I pressed the top button on the panel.

The one that said 'penthouse'.

I stood in the lift, shaking a little as it ascended. The beep sounded again, and the doors swept open.

I wandered into the long corridor ahead of me, taking the bunch of keys out of my purse. I scrambled with them in the lock, and it made a reassuring 'click'. I took a deep breath, then opened the door and walked into the most beautiful room I had ever seen.


	5. Voicemail

The me of 2010 lived in a gorgeous, white, loft-style apartment. The main part of it was a big open space, a group of three leather sofas were facing the wall, where a huge plasma screen TV hung. The large glass doors at the side lead to a balcony, which overlooks the Thames. A swing chair hangs from one of the walls inside.

There was a beautiful modern kitchen, and a dining room with a long glass table with ten chairs gathered around it. The apartment had its own small gym, two bathrooms, one with an actual Jacuzzi. My own bedroom had two walls white, two of them red with a king-sized bed in the centre of the room. The whole house is furnished with glossy, modern furniture.

As I walked through the living room, I almost felt afraid to touch anything. Everything was so _neat_. On the glass coffee table between the three sofas there was a stack of magazines, but they were folded outwards neatly, overlapping, exactly the same distance apart from each other. There were two large, glass cabinets on the wall next to the TV one for movies, one for music. I recognised some of the stuff there, but not all of it. It was all sorted alphabetically.

I wandered through into the kitchen in awe. The counters were modern, black and shiny. There was a long rack across one of the walls, where a row of perfectly polished pots and pans were hung up. There was a bookshelf lined with recipe books. I picked one up, turning it's perfectly white pages. Did I actually _know _how to _cook _all this stuff?

I put it down, careful to remember it was in the exact same spot as before. I left the room and wandered through the next door.

_Wow._

The room was about the size as the kitchen had been. Along one wall there was an enormous mirror; against the two walls at opposite sides were racks and racks of _clothes_, more clothes than I think I'd ever seen in my entire life. The racks were colour coordinated, making a gradual rainbow of outfits. I gently went through one of the racks, lifting up dresses and tops and skirts and holding them up against myself. There were drawers too; I opened one to reveal stacks of pairs of colourful patterned tights. I wandered how often I actually wore all this. With all this, I could probably go _years _without wearing the same outfit twice.

I wanted to try some stuff, but I also wanted to see the rest of the apartment. As I crossed the living room, I noticed a landline phone on the wall. A red number 3 flashed on the screen in the middle. I fiddled with the buttons and pressed it.

"_You have two new messages."_

I smiled to myself. 2010 had changed, but the voicemail woman's voice certainly hadn't.

"_Message one. April 14__th__, 11:01."  
_A woman spoke. Her voice was cool, her accent slightly posh. Her tone was emotionless and businesslike.

"Claudine, its Yvonne here. Just reminding you it's eleven o clock and you're still not here… I've tried you're mobile and you aren't answering. I guess you just got caught up in traffic or something. Anyway, we're all waiting for you at the recording studios and it would be _great _if you could get here as soon as possible. Thanks."

"_Message two. April 12__th__, 17:15"_

"Hi, babe, it's me, how are you? I haven't seen you in a few days, I was wandering if I could take you out tonight? I'll be back from work at six, call me then? I love you."

_I love you?_

This was insane. Someone out there had just told me that they loved me, and I didn't remember who they were. At all.

I couldn't actually believe that this was happening. Two years of my life had just gone. So I decided I was going to find them.

I fiddled around with the phone and managed to trace the two numbers, writing them down on my hand with a biro I found.

I dialled the second number, but didn't call it straight away. I just sort of stood there, index finger hovering over the call button. Then I forced myself to press it before I could bottle out.

It rang one, two, three, four times…

"Hello?"

***

**Thanks for reading this!**

**The next one will be longer, I promise, I just thought this had been sat here dying for quite a long time so I should update. Please review and stuffs. =]**

**Miss Muffin**


	6. Cinderella

_I dialled the second number, but didn't call it straight away. Then I forced myself to press it before I could bottle out._

_It rang one, two, three, four times…_

"_Hello?"_

It was the same voice that I'd heard on the voicemail, a male voice that sounded about my age.

"Hello?"

"Claudine! How are you, are you back home now? I've been so worried about you," he said, whoever _he_ was.

I felt strangely shy, and also bad that this person seemed to care about me so much yet I still had no idea who he was.

"Yeah, I'm home, I'm fine thanks," I said timidly. "Listen… are you busy right now?"

"Not at all, do you want me to come over?"

I thought about it. It was scary, but it was going to have to happen someday. And anyway, it was kind of exciting.

"If you don't mind… I really have to talk to you. Do you know where I live?"

He laughed. "You must have hit your head pretty hard!"

_Tell me about it_, I thought.

I didn't want to tell him what had happened yet. Instead, I joined in with his laughter. "Ok, I'll see you soon."

"Great, I'll be over in fifteen minutes."

"Bye," I said.

Once I'd hung up, I virtually ran to the closet room. I chose a black sleeveless top with a denim skirt, red tights and heels, changing into them quickly then smoothing my hair in the mirror.

I looked ok. There were still scars on my face, but I _sort of _had a reason for that. I couldn't get used to the fact that my hair was so long now! Back at Britannia High, I'd kept it in a short, straight bob but now it was way past my shoulders. I made a mental note to experiment with my newly long hair later.

I found the bathroom and opened a few drawers, searching for make-up. I found a draw full of countless little tins of eye shadow, neatly arranged into a virtual rainbow. I couldn't not be surprised, even after everything.

I applied eye liner and lip gloss, tied my hair back then decided it looked nicer down.

Then the doorbell rang.

I took a deep breath and walked across the room to the door, then opened it.

"Claudine!"

He drew me into a hug; I returned it reluctantly, wanting to see his face. He let go and turned to face me.

This was the most gorgeous randomer I'd ever seen.

His hair was dark brown, the same shade as his eyes, slightly floppy and very straight. He was tall, with gorgeous coffee coloured skin.

His hand still held mine.

"How are you, babe? Are you hurt? I tried to call the hospital and they said you couldn't have visitors yet… I didn't think you'd be back this fast…"

"Listen, I really have to talk to you," I said, butting in. "Let's sit down. Do you want a drink?" I asked, not wanting to seem rude, only afterwards remembering I didn't know where the drinks were.

"I'm ok, thanks," he replied, sitting down next to me on the sofa. His "Yay, I'm so happy to have you back" tone had faded to an "I'm really worried because you said you wanted to talk to me" tone. I sort of felt bad. I sat beside him and just watched, taking every detail in, pushing my memory to just _work_! It didn't.

"You wanted to talk to me?"

"Yeah…" I said. "Ok, this is really weird. In the car accident I was injured and… and now I have amnesia. My last memory is a drunk night out in 2008, I don't remember anything that happened to me in the last two years."

I think my voice got quieter as I spoke.

"You don't know who I am?"

I shook my head slowly, murmuring a "Sorry."

"This isn't your fault."

He drew me into a warm hug again; I blinked back the tears that were in my eyes. I really, really hoped that whatever we had wasn't over now.

"My name's Lewis Scott," he said finally. I looked up, grateful that the slippy silence was over. "I met you in March 2009, I'm an actor and we were in a movie together. We started dating in June 2009."

I took everything in, slowly. This got a little weirder every minute.

"We're in a pretty serious relationship, we were going to move in together a few months back but I had to go to America to do some filming and since I came back four weeks ago we haven't really talked about it. Is there anything you want to know?"

There were lots of things I wanted to know. I wanted to ask if I'd asked him out, or if it had been the other way round and if we slept together and if he liked cats, but none of my questions seemed right enough for a conversation like this.

"Can I think of some stuff later?" I asked, and he nodded, smiling. "Thank you."

We sat looking at each other for a while. I wasn't used to feeling this shy.

"This must be weird for you, I'm sorry," I said.

"It isn't your fault. It must be a lot weirder for you."

I shrugged. Lewis was probably right.

Lewis. That was such a nice name. This was like a fairytale. One minute I'd been a student at college, now I was a famous singer who'd been in a movie and lived in a big white modern apartment and was in a serious, almost-moved-in-together relationship with a guy called Lewis who had amazing eyes, money from the looks of his clothes and was an actor. This was the sort of stuff dreams were made of.

"Thank you," I whispered.

"For what?"

"For having not walked out yet. For having stayed with me."

I smiled, and he smiled back warmly.

"I'm not going to go. Not unless you want me to."

"I don't," I assured him, squeezing his hand.

We sat for a while, in a silence comfier than it had been before.

"Claudine, I'm really sorry but I have to go, I have an audition at six and… I can call my agent and cancel it if you want, I'll understand…"

"No, don't. It's fine," I said.

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

He grinned at me.

"Thanks. I'm really sorry."

He shrugs on his jacket, walking towards the door.

"Tell you what; I'll come over tomorrow morning. I'll bring you breakfast, yeah? The usual?" Lewis promised.

I think he'd forgotten that no, I had no idea what the usual was but I was sure I would've liked it.

"Yeah, thanks."

He kissed me on the cheek. It was awkward and it was scary but it was warm.

"I'm going to help you through this, Claudine. Me and you, babe, we're going to piece your life back together. Yeah?"

I nod happily, a little unable to speak.

"See you in the morning."

"Bye."

He left, and I stood by the door.

I picked up a magazine from the coffee table and turned on the bath taps, still unable to stop thinking of him.  
This actually is a fairytale.

I'm Cinderella.


	7. Letters In Pink

Now I knew about Lewis, I seemed to notice the evidence of him everywhere. Every so often, I'd see a framed picture of us somewhere or a little 'L' inked by a cluster of hearts in the back of my planner.

Seeing my own writing made everything feel slightly more real. It made me think that it was actually me that had done that. It scared me, though, that I had no idea I'd done it.

It made me hungry for more. That night I searched my drawers for traces of evidence, anything, but they were all so neat and there were no random scraps of paper.

That was what I thought until I found the office in my apartment. I swung open the huge bureau and found piles of neatly stacked papers. A stack of pink paper automatically caught my eye. I removed the paper clip and began to read.

_Hey Claudine! I'm writing this on the plane! OMG, can you believe I'm actually on my way to Australia! I've never, like, been out of Europe before. I'm writing you all letters and then when I land I'm going to post them! I'm sooo excited but being on the plane is totally boring. I talked to Stefan for the first five hours, but then he went to sleep. I'd like to be able to, like, go to sleep as well but I can't because I'm so totally excitedamoungus! Anyway, I have to go because my hand hurts, but I pinky promise as soon as we get to Sydney I'll write again and send you an address, when I actually know, like what the address for Stefan's flat is. Stefan says 'hi'! Well, he didn't actually but I'm sure if I told him I was doing this he'd say hi. So, like, yeah. I miss you! Byee._

_Lola xxx =]_

I couldn't help but smile. The letter was dated July 21st. I went through the pieces of paper, choosing another one to read at random. It was dated September 14th.

_Hey Claudine! OMG, it's nearly Christmas! Aren't you, like, totally excited? I'm not sure what we're doing yet, but I hope it's something fun. This'll be my first Christmas with Stefan! Christmas is, like, so fantastible. Btw, I know I haven't written since, like, forever. I'm sorry. But the last two letters I wrote you didn't reply to, so yeah. Jez says he hasn't heard from you. I bought your new album the other day! It's, like, total fabulosity. We're all super proud of you. And me and Stefan are thinking of getting cats, when we move house! Wouldn't that be, like, so awesome? I love cats! Anyway, I have to go because we're going out for dinner. I hope I'll write to you again soon, but I'm not sure if I will do because, like, I think there's something wrong with the post because you never reply to my letters._

_Lola xxx =]_

I paused. Why hadn't I been replying to Lola? I went through the pile and got to 'February 22nd 2009' but they stopped after that. I searched through the letters until I found what I'd been looking for: a phone number. I found my own phone and dialled it, waiting. I felt surprisingly comfortable.

"Hey! It's, like, Lola. Ok so I'm not here right now or I just didn't, like, answer the phone and stuff but please leave your name and, like, number after the toad and I'll call you! Bye, have a nice day!"

Her voice sounded even sunnier than usual, I smiled as I heard it. I was glad Lola hadn't grown up. I waited for the beep.

"Hi, Lola. It's Claudine. I know you probably haven't heard from me for quite a long time but I really need your help. If you could call me…" I remembered the time difference. "If you could call me or text me or something, it would be great. I need to know some numbers, email addresses, whatever of people from Britannia High; you know Jez, BB, and Lauren. Danny. Thanks a lot. And I hope you're ok, and everything. We should really catch up soon. Bye, babe."

I hung up, and then headed to my bedroom. I slipped into a pair of silky dark pink and black pyjamas, and then got into bed.

I turned out the light and lay in bed for a while. I thought about my last night before all this, the night before the end of year show at Mrs Troy's. I'd been worrying about Lauren, after just telling Danny about her risk of having MS.

I was determined to find a place for my friends from BH in my life again. I wanted us all to be together again, just for a day even. Being presented with this new, glamorous life was amazing but I didn't want to lose all traces of my old one.

So I was going to find my friends.

For now, I shut my eyes tight, knowing how long it would be before I could sleep.


	8. Sunflowers

I woke up early the next morning and dressed into a strappy grey dress and black leggings, adding silver heels and bangles as the finishing touches. Lewis hadn't said he'd come at a certain time, but I wanted to be ready just in case. Searching through my seemingly never ending stash of make-up, I found a gold bottle and laughed when I saw the label of the perfume – _Perfect: by Claudine Cameron_. I was about to use it when I realised how stuck-up it would be to wear your own perfume. Then I changed my mind and sprayed some onto my wrist, not really minding too much.

The doorbell rang and I rushed to answer it, feeling an incontrollable smile spread across my lips, as I opened the door and saw Lewis, holding in one hand a huge bunch of sunflowers and in the other a large basket.

"For you," he said, grinning and holding out both items.

"Thanks!" I laughed. I took the bunch of flowers from his hands, and breathed in the heavy scent. "They're beautiful."

"And…"

He lifted the blanket from the basket to reveal the sight and scent that it was full of fresh blueberry muffins.

"I eat _muffins_ now?"

It seemed so surreal that the new me, with her perfect supermodel figure and superstar lifestyle ate _muffins _for breakfast.

Lewis laughed at me, obviously guessing what I'd thought. "Only ever glucose free ones," he promised.

I nodded happily.

"I'll go get some plates and put these in some water," I said, indicating to the bunch of flowers in my hands. "Do you want a drink or something?"

"Some orange juice would be great, babe."

I nodded slowly.

"It's on the second shelf down in the fridge," Lewis told me.

It was a little freaky how he always seemed to read my mind.

I smiled, and then wandered to the kitchen, finding some plates in a cupboard. I also found an empty glass vase by the window, and took it over to the sink and turned the tap on, filling twenty percent of the glass with water.

I lifted the sunflowers to my face and breathed in, losing myself in their scent, closing my eyes and blocking out everything else around me. If I held them right up close to my cheek and narrowed my eyes, all I could see was their golden yellow petals.

_I've done this before._

Suddenly I took a step back and gasped, dropping the vase of sunflowers. It fell with a _smash. _My head seemed to start spinning.

I felt a familiar churning sensation. It's like when you have a dream, and then something similar happens a really short time after, or if you see somebody you're _so sure _you know but can't match their face to a name or a place.

It was like a memory.

I bent down on the stony cold floor, picking up one of the flowers, which were now scattered across the kitchen floor, dodging the shards of glass.

I stared at it in my hand, trying to enforce some kind of reaction again, but nothing came.

"Claudine?"

I quickly turned round at the sound of my name. Lewis was stood in the doorway. His expression changed from a slight smile to worry as he saw me knelt on the floor, surrounded by sunflowers and broken glass.

"I'm fine, don't worry. I'll clear this up…" I said, quickly jumping up and starting to search for a dustpan and brush.

He placed a hand on my arm, stopping me.

"What happened, Claudine?"

I thought about telling him about how I'd felt, but it was too complicated. Besides, I didn't want Lewis to think I was starting to get my memory back. Maybe there was a chance I was, but I didn't want to get his hopes up.

"Nothing… I just felt sort of dizzy. I'm fine now," I lied.

"You should sit down, I'll sort drinks out," he said.

"No, you shouldn't have to…"

Lewis was already guiding me out of the room and through the apartment, his hand cool in mine. He opened the door to the balcony and I sat down slowly in one of the chairs on the small table there.

"I'll be right back."

I felt a little bad, having someone bring me drinks in my own home, but I could forget about it for now. I didn't want to seem ungrateful.

I realised suddenly how surprisingly sunny it was, especially for April. Despite what I was wearing I wasn't cold, in fact the opposite. The sun was glaring down on my back from the blue lace sky.

I thought about the memory of sunflowers. I made a mental note to tell the doctor at the hospital about what had happened, and ask if this meant my memory would be restored. What would it be like to just have everything back again? To listen to my own CDs and remember recording them, to lie in my bed and not feel like it was the first time, to see Lewis and remember his face.

I felt bad for what this must be doing to Lewis. I knew he loved me, and I wondered if he expected me to love him back. Maybe I could, some day, though I didn't now. He was perfect for me. I put myself in his shoes, and contemplated whether I'd have the patience to stick around and wait for me to get my memory back.

If I thought about it, really hard, I wasn't so sure.


	9. An Explanation

"Hello? _Hello?"_

I looked at the tiny screen on the phone. Lola had been trying to figure out if anyone was there for precisely one minute, thirty nine seconds now and I, on the other side of the phone, was trying to bring up the courage to speak.

"Hello? Is anybody there? Hello?"

I opened my mouth again, and then closed it. _Why _was this so hard? Why did I suddenly feel so randomly shy?

"Hello," I murmured.

"Hello?"

"Hello."

My voice was a little louder now, a smidgen more confident.

"Hi! Who is it?" Lola's voice was sunny and natural; I wished I could apply the same tone, not the almost inaudible squeaks that I was currently substituting for a voice.

"It's Claudine," I almost whispered.

I moved the phone slightly away from my ear as Lola screamed.

"OMG Claudine! I haven't heard from you since, like, forever! Well I kinda have heard you because, like, I have your albums and I've _seen _you on, like, magazines and stuff but…"

"Lola, hey. Deep breaths, babe," I said. Now that she was acting even more like herself, I felt able to relax around her. "I need to talk to you. Something really huge has happened."

"Tell me!" Lola replied, eagerly.

I sighed, preparing myself. Explaining this to a normal person would have been hard enough, but this was Lola Jonze. Not exactly the smartest of cookies.

"Ok, a few weeks ago I was in a car accident…" I began.

"OMG, a car accident? Like, an accident with cars? Are you ok, are you hurt? Is…"

"I'm fine Lola. Please, stay with me here."

"Sorry," she mumbled, in an unusually quiet tone for her.

"When I woke up in hospital, it turns out I have amnesia."

I waited.

"Lola, you do know what amnesia is, don't you?"

"No," she whispered, slowly.

I sighed. "Amnesia is like memory loss. In my head, I only remember up to our last day at Britannia High. The last two years I don't have any idea what happened."

"That's so weird… It's ok, though! I forget stuff _all _the time. Like, the other day I accidentally left the kitchen door closed at night, and the cats got shut in! And then in the morning they were meowing, and Stefan got woken up but I didn't because I'd been, like, _super_ tired and it's sort of weird because I usually sleep a lot less, but it was, like, the other way round…"

"Lola!" I rolled my eyes. "It isn't like that. It isn't like forgetting to leave the door open. The last two years of my life I don't have any memory of. Before waking up in hospital, the last memory I have is walking home from the end of year show with Lauren."

"OMG! So, like, it's like you don't remember anything at all that happened since then?"

"Exactly," I said, happy that she finally understood. "And now it feels like I'm completely missing out on the last two years. Everything's changing and I miss the way things were. I've released three albums, Lola. I'm with this guy named Lewis who seems perfect for me. We've been together since June last year but it feels like I met him two days ago. And I hardly know him at all."

Since I'd come home from hospital, he was at my apartment most of the time. Lewis left just before I went to bed at night, arriving about an hour after I woke up, bringing breakfast and flowers. He'd promised to help me through regaining my memory, but I knew that there were parts of it even he didn't understand.

"Well, dur! _Everyone _knows Lewis Scott!"

I remembered he also was famous.

"Lola, do still talk to anyone from Britannia High?" I asked, suddenly.

"Like, all the time!" Lola said, eagerly. "When I'm in London, I usually go see Jez in whatever musical he's in at the moment, and I talk to Lauren and Danny, like, _all _the time and BB's working as a DJ now…"

Lola chattered on happily about our friends, and I wondered if it wasn't for the amnesia if I knew all these things anyway.

I stopped suddenly, catching my breath at something I thought I'd heard Lola say.

"At Danny and Lauren's _wedding_?"

"OMG, I totally forgot, you don't know! It was, like, last August and it was a really small ceremony and then there was, like, a chinormous party afterwards! And I got to be a bridesmaid, and there was cake, and…"

"Lauren and Danny got _married_?" I stumbled.

"Like, yeah! They got together around this time last year, at the school reunion party."

"There was a school reunion party?" I asked, pleased than I'd seen my friends at _some _point.

"Yeah, it was totally cool, everyone came! You weren't there, though."

"Why?" I asked, shocked suddenly.

I sensed Lola shrug. "You were busy, I guess. You always were since you got a record deal."

I wilted a little inside. It seemed in the last two years I'd distanced myself from my friends. It wasn't as I'd thought, and we all just drifted apart. It was me.

"So how've you been… since Britannia High?" I asked, distracting myself.

"Like, totally fantabulous! I live in Sydney, now, like, with Stefan and we have this beautiful apartment and its so preedyful, and I'm a professional dancer now!" she gushed. "And Stefan and I are engaged! We're planning on getting married in August, or maybe, like, around Christmas but I'm not sure if I'll be able to wait until Christmas because it's, like, a _super _long time away. Well it kind of isn't, it's only… April, May, June, July, August, September, October, November, December… seven months away!"

I smiled to myself, letting Lola's chatter melt into a sort of music in the background.

Though the streets of London and the style of clothes in 2010 hadn't changed much, the people certainly had. Lauren and Danny were married.

I wondered why this upset me so much. I wasn't jealous; not really, it was just the kind of disappointment about the fact that Lauren had betrayed me.

But after all, why should I be bothered? After all, I had Lewis now, and I hadn't spoken to either of them for almost two years, couldn't they be happy?

Only I didn't feel like this girl that was a famous singer, rich and dating a movie star, living in a huge white apartment overlooking the Thames. I felt like a performing arts college student, living of her grandparents' money and struggling, though happy at school and with her best friends.

And I couldn't decide which one of the two I wanted to be.

I couldn't get the second girl back. She was behind me now, in the past. But I could try to bring back the things that mattered, and I was going to.

I rested the phone between my shoulder and my ear, and opened a blank notebook from the end table by the sofa, clicking a biro.

"Lola, could you help me?" I asked, interrupting her blubbery chatter again.

"Sure!" she said, happily. "Like, why?"

I grinned. "Because we're going to arrange a party."


	10. Chapter 10

I managed to find the contact details of BB, Jez and Danny and Lauren in the Yellow Pages, which was now green. I chickened out of four more embarrassing phone incidents like the one with Lola, and instead sent letters to each of their addresses, trying to ignore the fact that Danny and Lauren now shared an address.

I didn't tell Lewis that I was arranging this. Maybe it was because I wasn't exactly sure if they were all speaking to me, or maybe it was because it just felt so strange to mix my old life with my new, alien one.

Except the weird thing was, thinking back, it was my old life that seemed strange now.

No. It didn't seem strange. It just seemed far away.

The next two days were painful. I knew the letters probably hadn't arrived yet, and I was being paranoid, but I sat with the door in view and I waited. I'd promised Lola that as soon as the others had been in touch that I'd call her to set a date.

To set a date for our reunion.

I needed this, not just for my sanity.

While I waited, I searched my apartment. I'd been spending a lot of time doing this recently, it wasn't just to help myself anymore; it was almost recreational. I must have spent hours listening to my albums, or watching DVDs of my tour, trying on my hundreds of clothes, Googling myself and browsing through pages of fan sites.

It was the worst time for Lewis to go away.

He'd only gone for a weekend, to shoot an episode of a TV show he was guest starring in. I told him I didn't mind, after all, I didn't that much neither did I want to make a big deal about it. The only problem was the timing.

I'd sort of been taking for granted how much I needed Lewis. He'd spent so much time over here since my accident that it had sort of become annoying. I wanted to explore my apartment, explore my life, and there were parts of it I'd rather do alone.

But I did need Lewis. He'd been so helpful; I couldn't believe how he put up with it. He'd even made a booklet of my life over the last two years, full of pictures and dates and little pieces of writing that although I didn't remember, sort of made me smile uncontrollably somehow.

We were planning to go out sometime soon. I'd barely left the apartment since the accident, twice Lewis took me for lunch at a Chinese restaurant up the next street. But this time he was going to invite some of our newer friends, people we'd worked with and knew well.

Maybe it would trigger my memory.

I knew faces and some names from Lewis' book. I read it every night for at least an hour before I went to bed until it was implanted in my mind. The pages felt comfortable under my hands. I loved the familiarity of that book, loved the fact that I had found at least _some _familiarity.

The intercom system buzzed. I laid the book down on the sofa, a little confused. My cleaner came at eight o clock in the morning, and Lewis wasn't due back until tomorrow evening.

_Unless…_

I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Claudine?"

Jez's voice was so perfectly the same, I almost screamed.

I didn't bother about the whole confusing buzzing in thing. I didn't bother about the elevator, or the fact that I was wearing pyjamas.

I ran down the stairs as fast as my legs would carry me, missing one or two steps at a time.

The only thing that mattered was that there was something reliably real downstairs.


	11. Chapter 11

Part 2 – Jez

I have to admit, everything about her approach completely startled me.

It was the way Claudine's face, usually so perfectly lined and controlled, seemed to light up sort of uncontrollably. It was the way that there was so much _life _in her as she bounded down the stairs. It was the way she wore let alone no heels, no shoes at all, and it was the way that there wasn't a scrap of make up on her face.

I'd expected Claudine to have changed.

But not in _this _sense.

I hadn't heard from her almost at all since Britannia High. Phone calls about once a week during the summer, and then they sort of faded until by October she'd probably forgotten I'd existed.

I stayed firm friends with everyone else. BB and I were still close, I saw him about once a week, though now he had his radio show and I was working as a lyricist we were both busy a lot of the time. I stayed in touch with Lola, and had been to see her in Australia a few times in the last two years; she'd come to stay with me as well. Danny and Lauren were married now, and we'd all come to their wedding last summer.

All of us, that is, except Claudine.

It wasn't that we all fell out with her or anything. It was just after Britannia High, when she got the record deal, things changed. She became more distant, and other things were more important than us. By now, the only way I found out what Claudine was doing was from TV interviews and magazines. And even there, she wasn't the Claudine I knew.

Of all of us, it was Claudine that really made it. I mean, we'd all done well I guess. Danny had been in a few movies; Lola was a background dancer on TV and in the odd music videos. Lauren had been in a few west end shows, BB had his own radio show now and I was working as a song writer, mainly writing for other artists.

We'd all stayed in touch apart from her, who as soon as she found fame seemed to completely forget about the rest of us.

So you can understand why I was sort of replied when I received a letter from her saying that she wanted to meet up.

I don't know exactly what I was expecting. I wasn't expecting her to fall into my arms so warmly. I wasn't expecting the moment to be so happily imperfect. And I really wasn't expecting tears to be in her eyes as she moved away and I saw her face.


	12. Everything's Changing

When someone makes you a drink before they tell you something, you know it's going to be something either really important or really upsetting.

If it's good news, they blurt it out straight away. If it's bad news, you get the whole cup of tea and sofa treatment.

Claudine's flat was just how I imagined it would be; beautiful, expensive and tidy, emptied out of personality and replaced with pretty modern pieces of furniture. I didn't think she spent much time here.

But looking at her now, she didn't look like the person I'd seen hundreds of articles on in magazines, the girl whose music I heard on the radio.

"Jez, I've got amnesia," she blurted out, suddenly.

I stopped, waiting for her to laugh or something.

Amnesia was just… fictional. It was like having your arm broken by a swan. Ok, it happened. But not to people I actually knew.

Claudine still wasn't laughing. She was watching me, unblinking; I suppose waiting for my reaction.

"You have amnesia?" I said, trying to keep my voice calm and clear.

"Memory loss," she said. I hoped she didn't think I didn't know what amnesia was. Only someone like Lola would do that. "I have no recollection of the last two years. My last memory is of our last night at Britannia High."

And then, weirdly, it actually seemed to make sense.

I wasn't exactly sure what to say. I mean, what _do _you say when someone tells you they've lost their memory for the last two years?

I thought about it, then realised that Claudine must have thought we were still friends. And really, it wasn't that we weren't. Things just weren't the same anymore.

Oh my God. Did she know about Danny and Lauren?

I decided not to tell her. Not yet, not until she'd… settled into now.

"Since I woke up two weeks ago, everything's changed. I'm suddenly famous and I'm with this guy called Lewis who's perfect and I don't know anything about and everything's changed…" her voice faded to a hoarse whisper. As she blinked I noticed tears clinging to her eyelashes.

I moved forward, drawing her into a hug. I felt her head softly fall onto my shoulder.

"It's going to be ok," I whispered.

I wasn't entirely sure if I was lying or not. I wanted to try and help Claudine through this, I did. But _how_? I wasn't a doctor or anything. There was no way I could just retrieve Claudine's memory for her and hand it over in a box.

But now she was going to need a friend, someone she'd known for more than… two weeks. She was going to need all of us.

And I'd decided that I was going to be there.

**This is only a short chapter but I wanted to update this seeing as I haven't done in nearly two weeks. =s I'll try and make the next one longer.**

**Thanks for reading! Please review. =)**

**Miss Muffin xxx**


	13. Why

When I got back to my flat, I called BB and told him about Claudine.

He didn't believe me at first.

It wasn't until he momentarily put the phone down and went to route through his mail that we realised BB had received the same letter also, saying that she wanted to catch up and to call her.

"She told me she's going to organise a reunion," I explained. "After losing her memory, it's really weird for her that we're not really in her life anymore and so many other people are, they're all strangers to her. And she wants to see us again."

"And she's invited us all to this thing?" BB asked.

"Yep."

"You mean she's asked…?"

"Danny and Lauren, yes," I interrupted.

"Have you told her what happened?"

"Not… exactly."

BB sighed.

"I thought it was a bit much for now. She's just woken up with amnesia… she needs to be ready."

I imagined BB shrugging. "Yeah, I guess. You're gonna have to tell her at some point though."

"I know," I said, already dreading it. "Listen, I'm going to see her again tomorrow. Are you free?"

I heard the rustling of paper, potentially a calendar or diary being checked.

"As a bird," he laughed. "Should I come as well?"

"Yeah, ok. I'll pick you up at nine?"

"Jez, man, I'll still be in bed at nine."

I rolled my eyes. "Half nine."

"More like eleven."

"Ten."

"Half ten."

I sighed. "Fine, half ten. See you tomorrow."

"Yeah, bye."

I hung up and put the phone down, then resided to the sofa. I leant forward and stared at the blank TV screen as if there was something there other than the faint outline of my reflection.

BB was right; I was going to have to tell Claudine why Danny and Lauren weren't speaking to her. But she was coping with so much already.

And why me? This was just like Ronnie wanting to audition for the end of year show all over again. Why me that had to hurt everybody?

I took out the black notebook I kept in the drawer under the small table next to my sofa, and clicked the top off a posh fountain pen, a present from my dad. I turned to a new page and began to write.

_August 2__nd__ 2008…_

**I'll try and squish another chapter in before I go away on Thursday. Thanks for reading. =)**

**Miss Muffin x**


	14. Breakfast

To our surprise, when BB and I knocked on the door it wasn't Claudine that answered.

Lewis Scott looked exactly the same as he did in every movie and every magazine. I was half expecting him to any minute pull out a gun and aim it at me or a bottle and tell me to buy a new men's fragrance.

"Hi. You're BB and Jez?" he said, speaking in an annoyingly smooth American drawl.

He said our names as if we were foreigners, sort of unwelcome outsiders that happened to be intruding in his home.

"Yeah, hi," I said, maintaining a calm and friendly tone. "Claudine knows we're coming…"

"Yeah, come in."

We both did so. For a while the three of us stood by the now closed door, in an uncomfortable silence. It was hard to know exactly what to say to a movie star, especially in this situation.

"Claudine's on the balcony, we're just having breakfast. You guys want some?" he asked.

"Sure," BB said quickly, though we'd both stopped for banana milkshakes and McMuffins on the journey.

He led us through to the balcony, where Claudine was waiting, sat at a small table. A large basket of muffins was in the centre, next to a glass jug of orange juice and a plate of croissants.

"BB!"

Claudine got up to hug him, grinning. She looked happier today, more natural. She was wearing a large pair of sunglasses, along with a plain black tank top and denim shorts, showing a lot of leg. The velvet coloured nail paint showing under her sandals looked as if it was once pedicured, but now comfortably chipped.

"How've you been?" she asked him, still smiling. His reply went unnoticed to me, I was more interested by the annoying expression of jealousy on Lewis' face as his girlfriend chatted away to BB; they'd both sat down now and Claudine was pouring orange juice into four glasses.

Lewis seemed to suddenly acknowledge that I was next to him. I blinked, trying not to look smug.

"Do you want a coffee or something?" he asked.

"A coffee would be great, thanks," I smiled in response. He left, still looking behind him through the glass doors until he disappeared round the corner of a wall.

I sat down with Claudine and BB and helped myself to a glass of orange juice.

"So Lewis seems really nice," I said to Claudine encouragingly, lying through my teeth.

"Yeah," she replied. "He's really helped me through all this," she said, almost honestly, though I'd heard it enough yesterday that it seemed almost from force of habit now. "Does BB know…?" Claudine looked between the two of us questioningly.

"Yes, I told him yesterday. I thought it'd be ok…" I started to say.

"Yeah, definitely. I just have to get in touch with Danny and Lauren, now, then that's everyone. Lola's flying over in a few days," she said, excited. She started talking about her ideas for the reunion as BB shot me looks across the table at any mention of Danny and Lauren. I mouthed a quick "Not yet," when Claudine wasn't looking.

Besides. I had my plan.

When Lewis came back, we began to talk about more shallow things, such as our work, music and movies. I sort of got the feeling from the way Claudine shut up as soon as he brought coffees that she hadn't told him about the reunion she was arranging. I noticed when Lewis was near she seemed more… controlled. Like she was _trying_ to be the celebrity she'd changed into, that the rest of the world, and maybe Lewis knew her as, not the girl BB and I had known from Britannia High who we'd been with just moments ago.

It was obvious he loved her. It was the reason for the looks on his face whenever BB made Claudine laugh, or the two of them shared a smile. He tactfully told BB and I that him and Claudine were going out for lunch, and we took the hint and left.

On the way out, I slipped Claudine the letter.

* * *

_**Updates for this should be coming a lot faster and longer now that I have the whole story planned out.**_

_**Thanks for reading, again! =) Review, please.**_

_**Miss Muffin x**_


	15. Envelopes And Autographs

Part 3. Claudine

Lewis was getting annoying.

Of course, the whole helpful and there for me thing was amazing at first. But after a while it sort of got in the way. It was the way was just _always_, always with me. It was the way he seemed to get jealous whenever I was alone with BB or even Jez that morning; although I'd told Lewis he was gay. It was the way he _told_ me I was going out for lunch with him instead of asked, which might have normally been romantic aside from the fact that I was my best friends who, in ways, I hadn't seen for two years, although in my head it was more like two weeks.

We went to a posh restaurant which, to be honest, wasn't much different from a dressed up version of Pizza Hut. Lewis introduced me to my manager, Yvonne, who was really cool and her husband and some of Lewis' other friends who were all boring.

I would've been concentrating on the conversation I was having with Yvonne, which I operated with one side of my brain, if I wasn't thinking so much about something else.

Before he left, when Lewis was clearing up in the kitchen and BB getting his jacket, Jez had given me a small, white envelope and a whisper of "Read it, it's important." After he'd left I was about to, interrupted by Lewis who told me we were meeting "our" friends in five minutes.

So, like you do, I really quickly put it in my shoe.

Ok, so it was a spur of the moment thing. And I hadn't even realised I had pockets, which was a bit thick. And of all the places I could have hidden it, a strappy high heeled sandal was a bit lame.

But hey. It was somewhere.

The annoying thing was that I could _feel _it now. It was pressing into my heel and teasing my toes and telling me that I really, really, really wanted to open it.

So I told Lewis and Yvonne and the others I was going to the bathroom and started at a slow walk, turning nearly into a run across fancy Pizza Hut and into the toilets. I sat down on the chair in one corner of the main sink area and took off my shoe.

A woman washing her hands stared at me.

I was thinking about shooting her evils back but decided I wouldn't be bothered, instead unfolding the envelope and beginning to open it.

Still, she stared at me.

"Excuse me, are you…. Are you Claudine Cameron?"

I almost laughed to myself. With all that was going on, it was very, very easy to forget that people actually knew who I was now.

"Yeah, I am," I said, smiling.

She beamed. "My daughter absolutely _loves_ you," she babbled, turning to face you. "We have all your albums. Do you think you could…" she looked around her for inspiration. "Do you think you could sign this for her?"

The woman took a leaflet from the rack by the sink, blushing, and offered it to me.

"Sure," I grinned, suppressing a giggle. I took a biro out of my handbag and began to sign, taking a long time over adding elaborate swirls to each letter and drawing a little star at the end. "There you go."

I smiled at her.

"Thank you… so much. Bye."

She left the bathroom, and I couldn't help but laugh that by my sheer appearance I'd made somebody that happy.

Then I remembered the envelope and tore it open, opening out the letter inside it.

_Claudine,_

_I think it's fair that you know what's happened over the last two years. Your memory loss shouldn't be a disadvantage to you, and as I'm helping you I want to tell you everything, and not use this to try and hide things that we'd all rather had never happened._

_The reason you aren't friends with us isn't because we just "drifted apart". Ok, so that's partly it but there's something else._

_In the summer holidays after Britannia High, you and Lauren became best friends, the two of you were inseparable. Then, about two weeks in Lauren and Danny got back together. Suddenly it was Danny that was with Lauren all the time, not you and I think you were lonely. Lola had gone to Australia with Stefan now and BB and I wanted to spend more time with you but we had jobs on a local radio station now._

_One night BB and I got to Mrs Troy's and all your stuff was packed. The next thing we knew, a taxi came and then you were gone, just like that._

_Danny wouldn't tell us what happened, but a few days later Lauren said that you'd tried to split her and Danny up, that you'd lied about him cheating on her._

_After that, we never really heard from you again, Claudine. BB, Lola and I received emails and phone calls for a while, but after a while they stopped. Lauren and Danny wouldn't speak to you after that night._

_I don't know what really happened. I don't know if you were lying to split Danny and Lauren up, or if it's the truth and Danny's lied to Lauren to try and keep her. But I think it'd be better if all that was just forgotten about, if the truth is uncovered it'll just end up hurting somebody._

_I thought you should know that before you see Lauren and Danny. Maybe you could apologize or explain what's happened to you. When Lola gets here in three days, I think we should all be friends._

_I've written Danny and Lauren's address on the back of this letter._

_Use it, please._

_Jez_

I folded up the letter and put it back in its envelope, which I slipped into the pocket of my shorts, then relaxed into the chair and tried to breathe.

And then, very slowly, I began to cry.


	16. Decisions

**_Hey! =]_**

**_Sorry this one's only short but I wanted to get another update in before I go on holiday, which means I won't be able to update for the next week. I'll miss you all. =(_**

**_Miss Muffin x_**

* * *

Lauren and Danny lived just outside of London, in a big, beautiful white house with a large front garden, with a border of bright and cheerful flowers around the stripy lawn.

I knew every detail of the visible front part of the house, reason being that I'd been sat on a bench the other side of the street for what seemed like days, contemplating opening the wooden gate, walking down the crazy paving and knocking on the front door.

Why was this so scary? BB, Jez and Lola hadn't been any different when I met them. It was only now that I realised it wasn't any of them that had changed.

It was me.

I wondered what had really happened. _Did _I make up that Danny was cheating on Lauren? I had to admit, it was something that I would have done at some point while I was at Britannia High, but then? Back then, when I was over Danny and the whole jealousy thing?

And then I thought: _would Danny do that to Lauren?_

Would Lauren deny that to herself if he did cheat on her? Would Danny lie to her? Would I try to split them up, again?

And then I realised that it didn't really matter.

It was the past. And if I wanted to make up with Danny and Lauren again, I was going to have to ignore my curiosity about what had happened for once.

I got up from the bench and crossed the street, making extra effort to take time looking both ways, although hardly any cars had passed in the time I'd been here. The second I walked through the gate, I felt as if I was trespassing, like I shouldn't be there. Determined, I forced myself up the path, approaching the door.

I rang the doorbell with one swift stab, regretting it instantly. Was this a bad idea?

_Yes, Claudine. Of course it's a bad idea!_

I turned round hastily, striding back down the path hastily, deciding to think about what I was doing later. Right now, all that mattered was that I had to get away from here.

"Hey!"

The voice came from behind me and I recognised it immediately as Lauren's.

Now, I had two options here. It was like _Sliding Doors_, you know, the movie? When it show's what would have happened if Gwyneth Paltrow got on the train or if she missed it, and her life spins off into two completely different directions.

This was one of those moments. I could cut and run, and get the next bus home and sit and reminisce over the lost bits of my life for a while. Or I could go in there and talk to Lauren, and explain everything. I could make up with her and Danny and I'd be able to organise my reunion.

It was the closest way I could get my life back.

I breathed out, then slowly turned around.


	17. Ok

"Claudine?"

When Lauren started to walk towards me, I was expecting her to slap me or something, not to hug me. But she did, and her warmth and her smell and her familiarity were almost _too_ much to take in at once.

But I hugged her back, feeling the scratchiness of her cardigan against my chin. As I moved away from her shoulder to see her face and smile, I noticed that she also was crying a little.

Just like me.

She smiled at me, choking through tears and I smiled back shyly.

"Come in," she said, leading me through the scarlet front door. I wondered why she was acting so calmly, or at least, showing so much lack of anger. If I didn't know better, I would have almost thought she seemed _happy _to see me.

But by the time she'd taken my coat and sat me down on the plush, cherry coloured sofa while she went to make coffee, I'd almost convinced myself that that was true.

But, you know, I think it may just have been.

Lauren re-entered the room, bearing two cups of coffee and a plate of cookies. I warmed my hands around my mug, staring at the floor hard and wondering how I was going to tell her about what had happened.

"Jez told me about the amnesia," she said, suddenly.

_Oh._

I smiled to myself mentally. Jez really did have everything covered, didn't he?

"Jez told me… about why I left," I replied, noting how quiet my voice was.

"I know."

Lauren and I just watched each other for a while. She was still crying and the corners of my lips tasted of salt.

"I've missed you," she whispered.

"I've missed you too," I murmured in reply. "I mean, to me it feels like I saw you two weeks ago… but this has sort of been like the longest two weeks of my life," I laughed, sadly. "After the shortest two years."

Lauren hugged me again and I squeezed her back, gratefully. We stayed there for what seemed like hours.

"I'm sorry," I said, my voice soft and wispy. "For what I said about Danny. I mean, I had no idea it happened until the other day but I know Danny and I know how he feels about you and it can't be true. And I'm sorry that I lied, and in ways that wasn't even me." My face drooped. "But it was."

Lauren waited for a while, looking down before she spoke.

"You didn't lie," she said, quickly.

My eyes widened. "What?"

"Before we got married, Danny told me. He did cheat on me once; it was a one night thing. But you found out somehow and told me… and Danny denied everything because he didn't want to lose me."

It was irritatingly sickening how lovingly she said his name.

He'd cheated on her.

"Why are you still with…?" I started to ask.

"Because, Claudine… because he told me and it was a long time ago. It was _once_, and Danny's changed now. We were kids back then, we all were. And because I love him. I love Danny, ok?" Lauren snapped.

And it was. I understood.

I didn't understand about being in love. I'd tried to fool myself into loving people before, back at Britannia High with my obsessive crush on Danny and I was even doing it now with Lewis.

But I did understand that we were all kids then. It was true. However much I missed Britannia High, it was worlds away. In 2010, voicemail messages weren't different and clothes or buildings or cars hadn't really changed, but the people had.

And _I _had.

I looked at Lauren and saw how much she loved Danny and needed him. Saw how much she needed him, and that what they had was so strong that one mistake didn't really matter.

"Ok," I said.

* * *

**_Hi! Sorry it's been a while since I last updated. The next chapter - also the last one - should be up soon. =)_**

**_Miss Muffin_**


	18. Pizza Hut

I stepped out of my shiny purple Mercedes, pleased with myself for parking it, and swung the door shut, then crossed the parking lot.

I entered the restaurant, dashing over to the table that consisted of my five favourite people in the world, and ignoring the faces of strangers around us that stared at us.

"Claudine!"

Lola jumped up from the table to hug me and I returned it with equal enthusiasm. She guided me over to the table, chattering happily and I picked out words and phases from her drabble.

"Hi! Where've you been? We're waiting to order!" Lauren said, waggling a menu and smiling. Not wanting to be rude, I averted my eyes from the bump under her maternity dress, which seemed to be growing every time I saw her and Danny.

"I know, sorry, I had to drop off some of Lewis' stuff."

She and the others nodded understandingly. I took the spare seat between Jez and Lola and grinned at each of the faces around the table.

"So why Pizza Hut, Claudine?" BB asked.

I shrugged, smiling. "I like Pizza Hut."  
I didn't have time to explain that it was the simplicity and informality that I loved, the fact we didn't need an expensive restaurant to see each other for the first time in the last year, to all be together.

"And how's Doctor Love?" Danny teased, beaming at me from his seat next to Lauren.

When I'd been back to the hospital, three weeks ago for a final check up, Gareth, my doctor, had asked me out for a coffee. Since then we'd been out a few times since and when we bumped into Lauren and Danny in a restaurant and I'd later explained to them how we met I'd had no end of teasing about it from my friends, particularly the boys.

It didn't matter though. He was a topic I was happy to discuss.

My memory never did come back. Sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio or see a photograph or even just smell sunflowers and for I second I get a sense of _déja vu_, and little blurs of memory come back to me.

A lot can happen in two years. But a lot can be repaired or altered and changed in the next, and that's just what I'm going to do.

Maybe I saw something in Lewis once, maybe I was just with him for the press, I'll never know. But I don't think I'll ever be able to have actual feelings for him, and it certainly isn't fair to make him wait around.

I think that's why Gareth's so right for me just now. Because it's something new for both of us. Maybe it'll work out for us. Maybe it won't.

We'll just have to wait and see.

But for now I don't want any kind of serious relationship. I'm busy, what with recording my next album, redecorating my apartment and seeing as Danny's in America a lot, filming at the moment, I've been going to a lot of Lauren's pregnancy scans at the hospital with her. I could never tell her that that first time we went I snuck a peek at the doctors file, that I'm the only one that knows her and Danny are having a boy. And then I'm helping Lola and Stefan with their wedding plans.

I'd like to say I regret anything that happened in the last two years, but I don't because that's made things how it is now. Everything's neatly arranged itself and I've got my life just how I want it. It sort of sucks about the memory loss.

But I have the best friends in the world to help me pick up the pieces.

* * *

**_Thanks for reading! I hope you enjoyed that. xD_**

**_I'm working on a new fic which the first chapter of should be up in the next week. Again, thanks for everyone's reviews and stuff, I really appreciate it. :)_**

**_Miss Muffin x_**


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